Too much

The past few weeks have been just too much for this family. Too much sadness! My grandpa died on Friday July 29th after a long battle with lung and heart problems. While his death was not a surprise, it did happen sooner than we thought. No one was quite prepared for it, but I don't know how anyone can be prepared to lose a loved one, especially someone like him who has such a presence. We will miss you Grandpa! I am hoping to post some pictures of him with the kids soon.

The next day we headed into the ER due to some problems I was having with the pregnancy. After several doctor appointments, blood draws, and ultrasounds, the realization was made that this is not a healthy pregnancy. For most of this, I have been seeing nurses and lab techs, all who have been consulting with my doctor. I finally saw my doctor on Monday and found out why it's important to have an OB that you really, really like and trust. He did another ultrasound to be absolutely sure we knew what was happening. He said all the right things. He ordered to me to not go back to work but to go home and hug my kids. He gave me the choice of what I wanted to do next, and listed out exactly what I could expect with each option. I'd been waiting long enough, so I decided to go ahead and schedule a D&C for Wednesday. Today. Except....

I cancelled it. Monday night it seemed that maybe my body was taking care of this on its own, which had been my original plan. (Plan - ha! Like you can plan this stuff!) I called yesterday, spoke with a nurse. We decided instead that I would go into today for (ANOTHER) ultrasound, and reschedule if needed. I was okay with the D&C plan until the surgery center called yesterday to set things up. Set things up, and oh, you know, scare the crap out of me. Their innocent questions of date of last menstrual period and blood type were intermixed with questions of do you have a living will and emergency contacts - we like to have two listed just in case. Just in case WHAT???? I should mention that the thought of an IV makes me want to pass out, much less sugery and living wills!!! So for my own sanity, I would really prefer to avoid the D&C I thought I was ready to have.

At the same time, I am ready for all this to be over. It really has been alot to think about. I am so grateful I have the kids to focus on. Their smiling faces make it all a little easier. I am sad about the loss of this baby, and the kids losing a sibling they didn't even know they were going to have. I am grateful for my friends and family that have been so supportive. I realize how absolutely blessed I am, even now.