Happy and Sad

My ultrasound yesterday went as well as it could under the circumstances. I did indeed already miscarry and everything looked normal. That was quite a relief and to be honest, I was actually happy. Happy that the physical part of this is over and I avoided a D&C and scary pre-surgery questionnaires. Emotionally, it still sucks, of course, but I think we are at the point where we are ready to move on. I have decided that I do want to do something to remember this baby somehow, either by planting something (a tree would be nice) or maybe getting an angel-type garden decoration, something we could take with when we move and you know, doesn't need to be watered. My husband has truly been my rock through all of this, allowing me to be sad and angry when I need to be (most often directed at him), listening to me endlessly weighing our options, making a decision only to change my mind 15 minutes later. He has had more reports of what was going on after every bathroom trip than he probably cared to, not to mention that he sat there with me during the actual miscarriage. True test of love, let me tell you.

And can I say that one of the worst things about miscarriage is that it is really difficult to talk about without giving details, which tend to be kind of gross. There are plenty of gross things about pregnancy and birth, but you can kind of laugh when you talk about them because there is a happy ending. But miscarriage is really difficult to talk about without being sad and gross. Bad combination. So it seems to me that no one really talks about it. Not knowing what to expect makes it so hard when you go through it yourself. I owe a huge thank you to the women in my life who shared their stories and their sadness with me. You'll never know how helpful that was.

It is back to work for me tomorrow. I have been off most of the week half-heartedly working from home when I can. It has been nice spending time with the kids during the day. Their smiling faces and big hugs have been exactly what I needed.

Speaking of kids, I have posted about them in awhile! Lately, Carly loves to spin herself around until she is dizzy. She, however, calls it "busy" and is constantly yelling, "Mom, watch me get busy!". Which cracks me up. Did I mention I am easily amused?

Leo has figured out that by moving things around and climbing on them he can reach, oh, pretty much anything he wants. Knife on the counter? Why, just dump out that laundry basket, turn it upside down, and viola, dangerous weapon in the hands of a 21 month old. You never know what light you might find on since he can now get to pretty much any light switch.

The fun never ends around here. Given the events of the past few weeks, I am perfectly fine with that.